Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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