it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
