meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize