New low: just hacked my moms facebook
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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