did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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