So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
