At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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