one might say we're banned from that church
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
