I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
