what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
