I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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