Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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