my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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