She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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