he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize