Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Who put my cat in the fridge?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
