he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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