I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
time to smoke my breakfast
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
