So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
