i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This is my gift to your gina
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
