How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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