Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
