Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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