I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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