the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
