I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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