Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
