who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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