out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
