Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
