What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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