I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
