I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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