the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
