I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
