Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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