Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
