guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
