Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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