I showed him my bush... on skype.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just gargled with NyQuil
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