is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
