shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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