I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
