I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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