1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
