I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
