is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
