I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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