No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize