Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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