we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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