Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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