im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
try to milk me bitch
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