my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
