Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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