omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
