If i come over, it means nothing
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
smell my finger.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
