he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
