even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Fuck appropriateness.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
