Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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