I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
